Earn the Easy

The Super Secret Law of that asshole boss who just plays golf all day:  "The more you work on something, the less you have to do to get paid the most."

Or to put it another way: build your own goddam playground.  Then charge tickets.

September 12, 2012

Hey XXXX,

I hear you are on probation this year, which means you’ve been quite the troublemaker.  I won’t give you any shit for it, because I was the same way.

Back in my (Highschool) days, we had a student handbook – do you guys still have that?  Anyway, the last six or seven pages of our student handbook back then was just a bunch of blank pages with lines on it.  What was it for?  That was where the Discipline Officer listed down all the student’s offenses:  polo shirt unbuttoned, collar raised, late for class, dirty pants, wearing rubber shoes, too noisy, in a fistfight, disrespecting the teacher, etc, etc, etc...

I do not know who the new king of the handbook is now, but by the time I graduated (Highschool), I was the ONLY student ever to be able to fill up those last pages of the handbook.  That was my claim to fame – longest rap sheet.

I used to take exams by submitting test papers with only my name written on it.  That was my way of saying “I don’t know any of this shit, and I don’t care.”

Of course I’d get a zero for the exam, but not before I got to watch how confused the teacher got when she saw a blank page with my name written on top.   She had a look on her face like she thought she must have gone blind.

Inside I was thinking “That’s right bitch, I got no answers for you!”

Another time, I wasn’t in the mood (and hadn’t studied) for an exam.  I already did the blank page bit, so I thought it would be more fun to fill my page with incredibly ridiculous wrong answers.

Q: “Bakit nagalit si Padre Damaso kay Florante?”

A: “Kasi tinago niya yung tsinelas ni Padre Damaso sa kubeta.”

That teacher, she was LIVID.  She was madder than an unpaid prostitute.  She thought she would totally give it to me and embarrass me by calling me out in class.

“Ang magaling na si Ronald Regis, binaboy ang exam!”

Then she started reading out my answers to the class.  That was supposed to embarrass me and “teach me a lesson.”

Nope.  She made me a star.

I have to tell you something though – and this is important:  Every time I did a stunt like that, I always made sure I could afford it.  For example, if I was going to score zero on an exam, I first made sure that my average – even with that zero – would still exceed 75.  That way I could have my rebellious bit of fun and still pass.  Nothing says “FU” to the system like completely tossing out an exam and still passing.

In High School we had a Mandarin class.  We had to learn to speak Chinese, because one-third of the planet’s population spoke it.  Me, I thought, “whatever, until they put out some good Chinese movies that aren’t dubbed or subtitled in English, I officially don’t give a cow’s testicle.”

But, man, I did not want to fail.  So what do I do?

I get a 95 in the first two quarters.  Does (Highschool) still have that grading system?  In our day, lowest was 70 (fail), then 75 (pass), and on and on till 95 (highest).

So yeah, I learned the crap out of that stupid language.  I could count to ten, write their alphabet, and say useless things like “Good morning teacher” and “Happy birthday to you.”

Now do the math:  I got two 95’s in two quarters.  If I fail the third and fourth, I get a 70 each time.  Add that up and divide by four, I still average an above-average 82.5!  So come third quarter, the Mandarin teacher (she was a sweet sexy thing, but that’s another story) comes to me all worried that I was failing and not taking the class seriously anymore.  She must’ve thought I was depressed or something.  So I had to spell it out for her.

“Nothing personal, ma’am, but even if you give me a failing grade this quarter and next, I still pass.  So I’m just gonna take it easy.  Real easy.”

So, XXXX, I’m not going to give you crap for misbehaving and being a mischievous rat in school.  Coz it’s fun and adventure.  BUT I will repeat this:  make sure you can afford the consequences.  In other words, earn the right to mess around.  Do just enough to have fun, but not too much that you get into irreversible trouble.

Wait a sec, how old are you?  I hope your mom doesn’t read this foulmouthed letter.  She shouldn’t.  It’s not addressed to her, for Christ’s sake!

Take it easy (but work hard first!)